More absurd, horrifying, and downright inexplicable shorts from the author of “The Man Who Stands in Line.” Included are such soon-to-be classics as Buzz-Saw Bob, the sport of pendulum watching, yet another secret to ultimate success, the art of gasping, a neighbor who is definitely not Mr. Rogers, and Buddha’s morning commute.

I legally can’t promise that this book will transform you into the demiurge you were meant to be. All I can say is that no medical studies have proved otherwise and the FDA moves very slowly.