The Man Who Stands in Line

“… the lasting impression of the writing within is without question. Don’t let their brevity fool you; these works are tenacious, earnest, and overflowing with gloom.” — Kirkus Review

Killer flies, amorous dinosaurs, angry buildings, and one very large fish — all in a single volume. THE MAN WHO STANDS IN LINE takes a surreal and humorous view of the usual questions of self, purpose, and society. This quirky collection of flash fiction, vignettes, and poetry is variously absurd, dark, and comic. A monstrous blister, the secret to immortality, and a lost piece of brain are just a few other oddities you will encounter in this one-of-a-kind book.

Because each work contains the essence of a novel distilled into a tiny piece, you can boast you’ve effectively read over 60 WHOLE BOOKS in the time it would take just to get through the list of ships in the Iliad. Don’t have the patience to wade through a 600 page novel by you-know-who to get a sense of horror or dread? We get it done in mere pages. No extra charge. You’re welcome.

Having trouble understanding Hegel, Kant, and Rousseau? No time for the entire Discourse on the Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Philosophy? We’ve got you covered. You’ll learn all that in JUST ONE WORD. Of course, we can’t do EVERYTHING for you, so you’ll have to figure out which word. But we make it easy, by including lots of them in our book. You can pick whichever you like. There’s no wrong answer. Unless the word turns out to be wrong.

Medical problems? Legal ones? Don’t know which pants to buy? We have an answer to EVERY question. You just have to be really good at reading between the lines. It’s all in there, if you look hard enough. And if you still can’t find it, don’t worry. Sure, everybody else who read the book became brilliant, charming, and rich. But you don’t care about those things; you’re happy just the way you are. Besides, we’ve got another book coming out soon and it has lots more lines to read between. So practice in the meantime.

If you had the book, all this could have been yours by now. It’s never too late. Life is short, but so is this book. Besides, there’s always the chance you’ll be the one to discover the key to immortality which we’ve secreted in its pages. And there’s even a chance we’re right. Are you willing to risk missing out? Isn’t the possiblity of eternal bliss worth a few measly dollars? In that last lonely moment, will your one regret be that you didn’t try? Best not to toy with fate. If you weren’t meant to buy this book, you wouldn’t be here.

Writings and Ravings